Bipolar
**** Don't laugh, but this post was inspired by constant barrage of Britney Spears news that I cannot seem to avoid. That from my perspective, except for the unfortunate inclusion of her children, she is finally behaving like a normal person in an insane environment. ****
Planet Earth is bipolar, but that is not what I am talking about. I grew up in a house where my mother denied all emotion and my father tried to ignore his emotions until he snapped and erupted in a ball of fury, and through the eruption my mother would simply sit their and deny the validity of my father's emotions. Eventually my parents divorced (thank goodness!) and my father accepted the diagnosis of being bipolar.
Every now and again my father and I get together and our conversation eventually comes to the point that he does not approve of the way I am living my life... no big deal... same for everyone.... (I am healthy, well fed, and with no addictions... simply not wealthy enough for him. Ah well.) But, there is always a point in his persistence that a flash of anger shows itself in my eye - nothing big, just a stern rebuke or so - and he will recoil and say, "you know, I'm bipolar." Making the underhanded assertion that I am as well. I laugh a little and choke down the response that is true, but will do no good at all; "No father, you are a coward, you are afraid of your own emotions, not bipolar. But it is not your fault, you were trained to fear your emotions, and you were trained to doubt yourself, and you do not have the courage or strength to break that conditioning."
It is funny, but in our society love is the only emotion that people understand the process of growing and learning. When we first experience love, we are slaves to it, doing all sorts of stupid things as a result. And, hopefully, after eighty years, we have experienced love enough to be able to control our behavior while being in love. Anger is no different. No one has control the first time they experience real honest to goodness anger, but hopefully every time the do experience it they learn more and more about it and how to control it. It is true that there are people out there who have problems and cannot learn to control, but I would argue that a majority of people who have been diagnosed as broken are only uneducated... uneducated in how to learn to control the release of their emotions. Because our society does not teach these things... we take drugs instead and think of reasons to avoid the responsibility. Their are many people who do not even learn from their experiences with love... they do not know they need to learn, they simply do the same thing over and over again. And this is not to mention all the other emotions that need to be learned as well as the mixing of these emotions.
Their is a learning curve to releasing emotions and healthy people accept this curve. Healthy people allow themselves the wiggle room to make mistakes and learn form those mistakes. Healthy people pursue more experience, more release, and more control over their emotions. Not control of their emotions as just in holding them back, but control of the release of the emotions; to control their behavior as the energy of the emotion flows out. Is this not what art is? The controlled release of emotional energy? But, in a very specific format. Ask any successful artist and they will surely tell you that it was a long hard process to learn such control with many many experiences where letting the emotion flow a little quickly got out of their control and did something undesired. How long does it take to master the flow of a certain emotion so that we can direct it where we want it to go.
Imagine our lives being an instrument in the symphony of this universe, and just like Miles Davis standing on the stage allowing his emotions to guide the music, we allow our feelings to guide our lives... but not control them.
C:)
Planet Earth is bipolar, but that is not what I am talking about. I grew up in a house where my mother denied all emotion and my father tried to ignore his emotions until he snapped and erupted in a ball of fury, and through the eruption my mother would simply sit their and deny the validity of my father's emotions. Eventually my parents divorced (thank goodness!) and my father accepted the diagnosis of being bipolar.
Every now and again my father and I get together and our conversation eventually comes to the point that he does not approve of the way I am living my life... no big deal... same for everyone.... (I am healthy, well fed, and with no addictions... simply not wealthy enough for him. Ah well.) But, there is always a point in his persistence that a flash of anger shows itself in my eye - nothing big, just a stern rebuke or so - and he will recoil and say, "you know, I'm bipolar." Making the underhanded assertion that I am as well. I laugh a little and choke down the response that is true, but will do no good at all; "No father, you are a coward, you are afraid of your own emotions, not bipolar. But it is not your fault, you were trained to fear your emotions, and you were trained to doubt yourself, and you do not have the courage or strength to break that conditioning."
It is funny, but in our society love is the only emotion that people understand the process of growing and learning. When we first experience love, we are slaves to it, doing all sorts of stupid things as a result. And, hopefully, after eighty years, we have experienced love enough to be able to control our behavior while being in love. Anger is no different. No one has control the first time they experience real honest to goodness anger, but hopefully every time the do experience it they learn more and more about it and how to control it. It is true that there are people out there who have problems and cannot learn to control, but I would argue that a majority of people who have been diagnosed as broken are only uneducated... uneducated in how to learn to control the release of their emotions. Because our society does not teach these things... we take drugs instead and think of reasons to avoid the responsibility. Their are many people who do not even learn from their experiences with love... they do not know they need to learn, they simply do the same thing over and over again. And this is not to mention all the other emotions that need to be learned as well as the mixing of these emotions.
Their is a learning curve to releasing emotions and healthy people accept this curve. Healthy people allow themselves the wiggle room to make mistakes and learn form those mistakes. Healthy people pursue more experience, more release, and more control over their emotions. Not control of their emotions as just in holding them back, but control of the release of the emotions; to control their behavior as the energy of the emotion flows out. Is this not what art is? The controlled release of emotional energy? But, in a very specific format. Ask any successful artist and they will surely tell you that it was a long hard process to learn such control with many many experiences where letting the emotion flow a little quickly got out of their control and did something undesired. How long does it take to master the flow of a certain emotion so that we can direct it where we want it to go.
Imagine our lives being an instrument in the symphony of this universe, and just like Miles Davis standing on the stage allowing his emotions to guide the music, we allow our feelings to guide our lives... but not control them.
C:)
7 comments:
It's easy to avoid Britney Spears news, don't turn on a TV. I never watch the news on TV.
My parents were very expressive, to each other, none left over for the kids.
So you don't make the money he thinks you should, big, my world doesn't revolve around money.
Ah thank you for making the point about "bipolar" and the solution being to throw drugs at them - in so many cases I've seen people dispensed drugs because they were diagnosed with whatever disorder - I always want to say have you ever tried really working through to the exact nature of why you feel the way you do ?
I tend to not say that since people are often very defensive about such things.
Hey, I've missed you. Sorry I haven't been around - you know - been quite sick and "working through" it. (smiling here)
Peace baby.
Hi,
Read your post on Alter-net and came here. It's such a relief to find other people who don't think the first, last and only answer to pretty much everything is pills, pills and oh, look, more pills. Your observation that so many of these 'conditions' become a safe crutch to avoid responsibility for the *ahem* they say or do is outstanding.
So many people forget that medical professionals are only people and they live in a cloister where they are safe from so many of the everyday realities others face that many of them are unable to understand how Big Pharma works them over but in the end we all suffer. When hyper-sexuality is possible side effect, apparently a dangerous one at that, for restless leg syndrome, or suicide for antidepressants how can we believe they have anything but contempt for us?
Pax
Hi Craig,
I too called in here after seeing your comment on Alternet. Your thoughts (in this blog) are very interesting and insightful. As one who used to suffer from "clinical depression" I abhor the use of labels. But then, that's what Big Pharma and all those other out-of-control CONTROL FREAKS are prone to do!
Cheers
Cathy
bbc,.. I hear ya. C:)
Hi ruby!!! No need to apologize to me... take care of your self and drop by when you can. C:)
Pax and Cathy, Hello and welcome!!
a very thought provoking piece of writing (as they all are) and thought provoking comments
I'm just going to go and think about the thoughts you've provoked now
thank you
There are however some people who are aware of and accept and embrace their emotions, but what they do is outside of what THEY consider normal, and accept drugs. Your father might have a combination. Or indeed, but simply not able to deal with his emotions.
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